Boost Client Results and Retention with This ONE Powerful Coaching Skill!
Another example of how our coaching skillset is the foundation for business success.
I remember the moment I experienced the transformational benefit of a key evidence-based coaching skill we have right in our back pocket, and I’ve never forgotten its impact.
Leaning in to this skill and knowing when and how to use it effectively, will elevate client outcomes and boost your business success. Read on!
A few years ago, after arriving at a virtual weekly meeting at work, a senior leader jumped on the call as scheduled, but immediately announced, apologetically, she couldn’t stay due to an unexpected priority situation. You could tell she was joining from her phone while getting into her car by the sound of keys fumbling and personal items being tossed into the passenger seat beside her.
“I’m sorry I can’t stay. I know we were going to do a wrap up and debrief around this recent project. Thanks for your understanding,” she said as she started the engine.
“Before I jump, I want to share how much I have appreciated the efforts of this team. You’ve all had to take on additional work and tasks that were out of your normal workflow.”
And then she addressed us individually,
“Laura, your consistent communication and focus on compliance kept this project on track and ensured we were maintaining our standards.”
“Rebecca, it got a little wild there for a minute, but you brought the heart and humor we needed and always at the right time!”
“Meg, as the new person on the block, you stepped up to the plate and provided innovative ideas that elevated the outcome of this project.”
“I really have to run,” she said, “but I wanted to let everyone know how much your effort has meant.”
After she dropped off the call, we sat there quietly for a moment, staring into our Zoom screens. I could feel her words landed with meaning for each of us, and we had a shared experience of feeling seen, heard, and valued. We even smiled and remarked how much it meant to us and vowed to continue with that same energy forward in the initiatives ahead.
That’s the Power of Affirmations!
The simple, genuine, statements made by our senior manager were textbook examples of “affirmations” from motivational interviewing (MI). Affirmations are defined as either simple (acknowledging something specific a person has said or done) or complex, as in this case, where the focus was on an “enduring strength or admirable attribute.”
They are authentic in nature and reflect unique values, strengths, and abilities in a person.
I remember thinking after the call how aligned her comments were with our individual strengths. It’s hard to own praise, but when you feel affirmed, you smile and think, “Yeah! that’s me!”
Since affirmations are a form of reflections, they are “You” statements instead of “I” statements, making them about the receiver while cancelling out the hierarchy of status and judgement.
I remember how this experience felt different than the typical managerial “pat on the back, thank you for your service” comments offered by managers to check the “good manager” box.
Affirmations are delivered genuinely without the hint of obligation, status, or reciprocal expectation.
I remember feeling like that experience was a gift—something I could and would use as fuel for energy, persistence, and professional growth.
When up against curious open questions and reflections, affirmations are often like the wallflower at the prom waiting to be asked to dance.
I know that feeling.
However, using them more regularly and intentionally in our sessions and discovery calls, has a high probability of elevating client engagement, outcomes, and retention.
Hear me out . . .
The Proof is in the Science
According to Miller and Rollnick (M & R), affirmations have a profound effect on the receiver, which feels to me like an invitation to consider these effects through the lens of potential client and business outcomes:
#1: Since affirmations reflect an inherent or enduring quality or trait within a person, shining a light on them during sessions can help clients recognize, own, and harness their strong internal resources for positive change. Over time, they'll find themselves calling on these superpowers in between sessions to navigate the likely ups and downs of their journey. As self-efficacy builds and efforts remain consistent over time, clients experience meaningful outcomes—and become repeat customers and raving fans.
#2: Affirmations have a high probability of evoking change talk, and research shows that as frequency and strength of change talk increases, so does movement toward change. Change talk also feels good. So, while everyone is waiting for metric-driven results to unfold over time, session-to-session feel-good moments that come from affirmations can help keep clients remain hopeful, engaged, and motivated in the process.
For example, notice the resulting change talk in response to an affirmation:
Coach: “You showed a lot of commitment creating that boundary around your workout time.”
Client: “Yes, I finally feel like it’s time for me to take care of me!”
#3: Finally, we all know the struggle with PERSISTENCE in a change plan is real and how discouragement can result from a lapse back to previous behaviors. Good news! M & R report that “affirmations and self-affirmation can bolster confidence and persistence. (p.206, MI 4th Addition).” All the more reason to keep the health coach around for the long haul! Our job is never done, and demonstrating our worth all along the change continuum through skillful coaching is important.
Show Me the Money
Affirmations, as simple as they are, can have a powerful effect on your bottom line. While we should never negate the importance of helping our clients feel heard and understood through accurate empathy, affirmations, when genuine and authentic, provide feel-good, in-the-moment support for self-efficacy and the consistency of effort that is necessary for meaningful change to happen.
And when it does, our clients thrive in the coaching process and so do our businesses.
Let’s discuss! How do affirmations figure into your day-to-day coaching approach and how have you learned to listen for those key strengths, abilities, and values?
Lean In To Coaching Prompt
Here are a few fun ways to practice incorporating genuine affirmations into your coaching sessions. When you do, notice the outcome.
Become a “strengths sleuth.” Familiarize yourself with the qualities found in this resource, Strengths of Successful Changers linked here and in the resources below. Then, strategically listen for them in your coaching sessions or when talking with friends and family members for practice. Can you find genuine ways to affirm your clients in every session?
Offer a strength-based activity in one of your coaching sessions, with permission. I have a fun deck of “Peak Values” cards. I used to fan them out on the desk in my coaching office and when employees came to see me, ask them to pick a card and tell me how that quality shows up in their life. It was a great way to spark and impromptu coaching session! There are numerous activities you can do with these cards.
Ask a strategic open-question that helps both you and your clients explore and uncover their unique qualities and strengths. When they respond, offer reflective listening statements or affirmations to deepen their exploration. Here are a few examples:
Tell me about a time when you overcame a difficult obstacle or moved through a stressful period in your life. How did you do it?
What is something in your life you are most proud of?
What is something you accomplished last week, and how did you make that happen?
What is your superpower?
When the going gets tough, and we all know it does in any meaningful wellness journey, helping clients lean in to their self-identified strengths will be the kind of coaching clients will come back for!
Self-Care
Anyone else a big fan of Julia Cameron and her well-known book for creative types, The Artist’s Way? In a more recent offering, The Listening Path: The Creative Art of Attention, she writes beautifully about what she calls “believing mirrors,” describing them as the practices (like journalling and writing) and people that “reflect back to us belief in our potential.”
All this writing about affirmations got me thinking about the believing mirrors in my life.
My mom was that person for me. She was the ONE person who really got me, who I could be my true self around—no filters, no editing for fear of judgement. She often believed more in my gifts than I did.
And she always made sure I knew it.
When she passed away a few years ago, I realized that without her around, shining a light on my strengths and abilities, I would have to step up and take on the role of my own believing mirror. Surprisingly, I was ready, willing, and more able than I thought.
We are those believing mirrors for our clients—shedding light on their super powers and lending hope until they have the ability to do those things for themselves. With good coaching, there will come a time, when our clients are ready, willing, and more capable than they ever thought to step into their own brilliance.
And YOU will have been part of their journey!
So, for self-care this week, an invitation to reflect or journal about:
Who are the believing mirrors in your life and what do they say about the unique qualities and strengths you bring to the world? How could you harness those qualities for one of your coaching goals this week?
If you were to be your own believing mirror (imagine that!), what are three genuine affirmations you would offer yourself and how does it feel to say them out loud and truly OWN them?
Helpful Resources
I’m still figuring out how to do footnotes in Substack, lol. All my quotes on affirmations were sourced from:
Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2023). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change and Grow (4th ed.). Guilford Press.
As I mentioned above, I love this Peak Values card deck I bought on Amazon. There are a variety of card decks out there for strength-based coaching.
If you want to read about “believing mirrors” and more!
Cameron, J. (2021). The Listening Path. St. Martin’s Essentials.
I found reviewing and familiarizing myself with lists of values and strengths helped me to be more attuned to seeing them in my clients. This resource helped a lot.
Strengths of Successful Changers
Coming in October!
I’m thinking about my content for October and feeling energy around career sustainability and success. Stay tuned!
A Little Business (The “Never Apologize for Promoting Your Coaching Work” Section)
As always, thank you for visiting and reading this week. My aim is to share ideas that provide value in a way that nudges your coaching journey forward.
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Onward!
Meg
As a Mom of three young adults all making their way in the world, I loved your discussion of ‘believing mirrors’. A good image for how to step back from ‘Bossing’ our grown kids to supporting their journeys! Thank you for sharing these ideas💜